Posted on January 29, 2026

I was having a discussion with one of my clients about how she gets annoyed and can't understand how people can go out in public without being "presentable". A day or two later she sent me this image which prompted a question from me.....Was it really self respect or fear of judgement?

When I was in my teens and 20s, I was the queen of makeup and big hair. I wouldn't be caught dead out of the house without full hair and makeup which took an hour minimum. That even included riding in horse shows in 100 degree heat. Was it simply because I always wanted to "put my best foot forward" as was ingrained into me? Hell NO! It was FEAR plain and simple. Fear of judgement. Fear that if I wasn't wearing the mask, that nobody would like me, nobody would think I was good enough to be around. Fear of not living up to expectations.

I am able to see now that it wasn't just fear of judgement by others, it was also judgement of myself. When we look at other people with judgement, we are reflecting on things within ourselves. Like "how dare they be in public just as they are when it's not OK for me?" My biggest question is "Why do you even care?" What difference does it make how someone else shows up at the grocery store.

Now, I will allow that there are some instances that can be uncomfortable or offensive - I'm thinking questionable hygiene and extremely revealing clothing - but should our discomfort give us free reign to judge and criticize? It's not anyone else's job to live so we can be comfortable. Every thought that we have and emotion that we experience is a choice. Nobody can MAKE us feel anything. We choose to feel shocked or offended or accepting.

Maybe that person whom you are judging has a medical condition like chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia and they have to choose every day between showering or going to the store or doing a load of laundry because they can only make it through one activity before they crash. They look like any other healthy person so how could you know?

We, as humans, give away so much of our energy and personal power to judgement. Judgements that lead to resentment, anger, competition and a whole host of other lower vibrational emotions. If you took the boulder that is judgement out of your backpack, how many other rocks would come with it? How much lighter could that load you are carrying be?